Boomerang2Peace-Start Close to Home
I think it’s natural to have high hopes when we receive good news such as the expected arrival of a new grandchild. We imagine a perfect family in a perfect world as we look forward to the miracle to come. As a new grandmother, my dream included being there for the arrival, helping the new parents figure out the ins and outs of parenthood, giving them a rest from sleepless nights, and sharing the wisdom I gained raising my own children.
I was so overwhelmed with joy when my youngest daughter and her husband flew in from Denver unexpectedly for my birthday in March of 2016. My kids had a competition going as to whose gift would be my favorite. My two older children gave me tickets the Il Divo concert at the Florida Theater that fall, and since I have always loved the quartet, I couldn’t imagine a better gift. Then I opened my birthday gift from my youngest daughter and her husband and found a little Auburn (my college alma mater) onesie, meant to announce the anticipated arrival of their real gift to me that coming fall, and I turned into an emotional mess. I have always loved babies, and I couldn’t wait to cuddle and love this little gift from God. I dreamed of moving to Denver to be their nanny since I had so much experience in that role.
Then reality started to creep in. When I shared what I thought was quite a generous offer to help raise their child, my daughter’s response that there was no way she would entrust her baby to me, a far-right Republican who would only brainwash her child. I must tell you, while her comment really stung, it was only the beginning.
The parents-to-be shared that they really didn’t want anyone to come visit for at least the first month so that they would have time to bond as a little family before accepting visitors. I was disappointed not to be present for the birth, but I understood, remembering how overwhelmed I had felt after my first child was born. The whole family lived in Jacksonville back then, and I totally failed at setting boundaries with the constant flow of visitors wanting to hold my precious little guy.
My daughter agreed on a date that I could come meet my new grandchild and I bought my plane ticket for the week of Halloween, when he would be about a month old. My older daughter was living in Denver, so she was able to be at the hospital and hold little John soon after he was born. The other grandmother had another son living close by, so she also was on hand soon after the birth. Then I discovered that my son and his girlfriend had tickets to fly up in mid-October. I was disappointed to be one of the last to meet the little guy, but once I had him in my arms, my hurt dissolved into pure joy.
My joy was renewed when we all gathered together at my brother’s home in Atlanta for Thanksgiving, and I got lots of “Gamma” time with little John-although I did have to share him with all the aunts, uncles and cousins. We were a big, happy group so any difficult relationships between individuals were well masked. However, 2016 was an election year and did I mention, I am the only conservative in the middle of a family of liberals?
Our political differences hadn’t really mattered too much before 2016, but come November, when my kids discovered I had voted for Donald Trump, they refused to speak to me for several months. When I was finally accepted back into the family, in order to be in the same house together, we had to avoid any talk of politics or religion.
While I was finally allowed to visit again the following Christmas, the length of my visit was limited, and after the other grandmother and I went so overboard with gifts that Christmas, the new rule became NO visits over Christmas so they could have their quiet little family Christmas—another disappointment since I have always considered it so important to be with my family during the holidays.
Their little family came to Florida for the first time in December of 2018 and we all went to Disney World. Because there were so many distractions, and we were a pretty large group, everything was fine. My kids and I limped along with very little interaction for the four Trump years. And then 2020 and COVID arrived, along with another grandchild, this time a little girl. And we had another election. This time I was on the losing side and in a deep depression when my son, his girlfriend and I drove up to Denver to see little Robbie for the first time and enjoy Thanksgiving together. I remember my daughter had a 6-foot-high chalk board in her kitchen on which she counted down in large letters, the days until Christmas along with the days until Biden. And so, yet another year of division and animosity within our family and our nation began. I believed the Democrats had gotten away with stealing the election and our future as a Nation was doomed because we would never have another fair election again.
COVID was still in full swing the following spring when they started distributing the new vaccines, and the vax vs anti-vax and mask mandate “wars” began. I took the first two vaccines because I knew I wouldn’t be allowed around any of my family and many of my friends unless I was vaccinated. Things only got worse as we moved further into the first year of the Biden administration; inflation was rampant, gas and food prices soared and tensions around the world escalated. By that fall, my hope was all but gone and with it, my will to live.
Finally, in the fall of 2021, God started to open my eyes as I prayed daily for discernment. I was pretty much isolating myself in my depression when I saw an announcement for the American Freedom Tour and invited a friend to go with me. The speakers began to give me a glimmer of hope that God wasn’t done yet with our country or me. The message that most encouraged me was the statistic that 80% of people around the world share the same values, they just don’t agree on the best way to live them and protect them. I really believe our Freedom, Faith, Family, and Finances, are important to us all, no matter which side of the political aisle we’re on. As I began to look for guidance, I found a recorded conversation with author Philip Yancey that really spoke to me: (https://www.rightnowmedia.org/content/series/519504). Philip concludes the dialogue with three suggestions for Christians seeking to mend the broken relationships that threaten to destroy our country from within:
Keep Love at the Center of everything you do. Instead of reacting in anger, approach those with whom you disagree with love and respect, as commanded by our Lord, Jesus Christ.
Give your life away—express your love for others by serving others, asking for nothing in return—It’s the old “Golden Rule”: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
Talk to the “Other” side—have a respectful conversation with those who are different and/or disagree with you, with the goal of achieving an understanding of their beliefs/perspectives.
I realized I had been guilty of what Philip refers to as “Confirmation Bias”: Hanging out only with people with whom you agree and listening only to the media outlets that espouse your beliefs, never listening to the other point of view. Are you guilty of the same? God convicted me that I needed to start acting as a bridge with others, trying to understand them and focusing on the things we can agree on. Rather than only striving to win arguments, we should be striving for mutual respect and understanding. I realized that because I really couldn’t trust any sources of information to be unbiased, there was a possibility I could be wrong about some things, and I tried to be open to that possibility in my conversations. We may never agree, but that should not stand in the way of loving each other and refusing to succumb to the fear mongering and divisiveness being promoted by the media and those in power within both political parties. We simply cannot fall into their trap, which will eventually destroy our beloved country from within!
That fall I called each of my children and shared my revelation and my resolution to bring peace to our family. I tried to listen to and understand their differing viewpoints, and while I knew we would probably never agree on our politics, I prayed for healed relationships and a shared mutual respect for each other. While our relationships have improved a bit, compromise and a will to understand is necessary for all parties, and so far, there is still a big gulf beween us that will need much more work to bridge. But our God is great and I know He can work miracles!
I have read several books that echo the same theme I’d like to recommend:
I Think You’re Wrong (But I’m Listening) by Sarah Stewart Holland and Beth Silvers
Thou Shalt Not Be a Jerk by Eugene Cho
The Space Between Us: How Jesus teaches us to live together when politics and religion pull us apart by Sarah Bauer Anderson
The message I received that weekend in 2021 at the Freedom Tour was yes, continue to pray, but God wants me (and you) to take action with positive optimism. Firmly believing that is what God is asking of me, I continue to fervently pray for our Heavenly Father’s guidance. This Blog is my response, and I HOPE you will feel motivated to join me in this “movement” to affect positive change. Please give me a call if you want to get involved.