Boomerang2Health: Finding a New Why

There are two facets to our health, and studies have shown, both are intertwined.  Our physical health, especially the health of our brain, affects our emotional and mental health, which in turn, impacts our desire and ability to maintain our physical health. While many of our health-related beliefs and attitudes are formed early in life, with learning and effort, they can be changed.

Like many of my fellow Baby Boomers, I grew up with a mom who always told me to try eating a little of everything so I would learn to like everything, and to clean my plate at each meal. This turned out to be like preaching to the choir because I liked everything, and today, will eat whatever is placed before me whether I’m hungry or not!

I think we Boomers were caught between two generations—The Greatest Generation, who after fighting two world wars and living through the Great Depression were accustomed to shortages of both food and money and had been taught to waste nothing. The amount of food on their plates was minimal so cleaning your plate didn’t result in an expanding waistline. Our generation, on the other hand, was still being taught to avoid waste, but by the time we came along, we were being reminded of the starving children in Africa while most of us had an abundance of food available, so as we “responsibly” cleaned our plates, we developed poor eating habits and packed on the pounds.

When I was growing up, society told us our overweight bodies did not measure up to their standard of beauty, as displayed in fashion magazines, movies, and TV. The lesson we were taught was that without beauty, we would never find a man to love us, so I began a vicious cycle of yoyo dieting as I tried to balance my love for food with my desire for love and acceptance.  For me, at least, the two were in constant conflict with each other.  While my eating habits were not healthy, thankfully they never approached an eating disorder like they did with some of my friends, including my sister.

In addition to having an unhealthy relationship with food, I was never athletic as a young girl, nor was I encouraged to be. I was a home-ec-loving nerd, always learning to cook good old southern-fried meals, or sitting in my room sewing, or writing poetry. I seldom participated in our neighborhood kickball games--that was for Tomboys, and I still remember my friend, Barbara, who was one of the few girls I knew who played competitive sports. I had no desire to be like her because, while she was obviously much healthier than me, she was not popular with the boys. Thankfully, this turned around in the 1980’s when women’s sports started to gain popularity and funding and my own girls were born.

Although I was a ”late bloomer” and painfully shy, I became interested in boys in the 4th or 5th grade.  At the beginning of each school year, I would pray that this would be the year I found a boyfriend. I was the last of my friends to get my period and develop curves, and I still remember being mortified when one of the neighborhood boys popped the back of my brand-new bra. Being taller than all the other girls, and most of the boys, I was very self-conscious and always felt clumsy.  I still remember other kids singing the Jolly Green Giant jingle as I walked by.  

I hung out with other nerds who, like me, could care less about physical fitness, while I admired the popular girls from afar and longed to be one of them. I believed popularity with boys depended on looking good, so I was always on a diet. My whole self-value depended on whether some boy would find me attractive, and my excellent grades and Honor Society membership did nothing to increase my popularity or my self-esteem.

And so, I chased love for most of my youth. I waited for that first boyfriend until the summer before my senior year in high school, when I fell in love with a boy who sang to me of my beauty, then returned to college at the end of the summer. The next summer, I fell for a couple of good-looking coast guard cadets while on summer vacation—and once again, my romance ended with the summer.  During my freshman year in college, I fell for a good-looking guy in my dorm who returned home to his steady girlfriend at the end of the school year.

The saga continued from one heartbreak to another throughout college and my early professional career. I continued to make poor choices in men, “falling in love” with anyone who told me I was beautiful, whether they were available or not. Inevitably, each relationship ended with a broken heart, including my 13-year marriage. My Ex had promised me he would leave me if I ever got fat, and sure enough, that’s exactly what happened (although it obviously wasn’t the whole story). As I blamed myself for not being good enough, I assuaged my hurt with food.

I, like so many in our culture, defined beauty as being physically attractive to the opposite sex, and my strong desire to be loved was the only “why” that kept me exercising and dieting relentlessly.  My overriding purpose in life was to be loved and once I found a husband, I stopped worrying as much about my weight, adding a few pounds after each of my children was born.  The depression that followed my divorce only compounded the problem.

Finally, after many years of disappointment, rejection and failing health, I attended a weekend that changed everything for me. I’ll talk more about my faith journey later but suffice it to say that it was at the Great Banquet weekend at my church in 2015 that I finally found the true love of the only One who has ever loved me for who I am, no matter what I look like, or what I do or don’t do: my Father in heaven. I left that Great Banquet weekend full of love and new purpose: To share the overwhelming love of Jesus with everyone, whether they loved me back or not. I just wanted others to experience the joy I had found.

With new purpose and commitment, I lost 50 pounds over the next year in preparation for the birth of my first grandchild and the active role I hoped to play as a new grandmother. For the first time in my life, I began to love myself and wanted to lose weight for the sake of being healthy enough to live the active life I desired, not to please someone else. Unfortunately, I did that by going on another “diet”, at one of the major weight loss centers.  The weight loss was fast, and the result was amazing.  I loved the way I looked for the first time in a long time but as soon as I reached my goal, I stopped my strict diet and the weight crept slowly back. I had found a purpose that drove me to get healthy, but I had done nothing to change my old eating patterns.

Much of the time I, like so many others, eat not because I’m hungry, but because of boredom or stress. Often, I eat while I’m waiting for something to happen. When I was younger, I was always waiting for some friend to call. Now I might be waiting for that client to call or that contract to come in, or for the doctor to call with that test result.  As I write this, I’m waiting for biopsy results to determine how much more skin surgery I require.  Because I have used food for emotional support and a distraction for stress my entire life, my habit has always been to reach for something to eat to fill a void.

During Covid, we all spent a lot of time waiting—waiting for 14 days to “stop the spread”, waiting for the quarantine to end, waiting for our churches, schools, and businesses to re-open, waiting for the mask mandate to end, waiting for the vaccine that would end all the waiting!  While I was waiting, guess what else I was doing?  You got it—EATING.

Finally, by the end of 2020 I had hit bottom—my tank of hope was running on empty. While I had started the pandemic enjoying the free time to read, ride my bike and watch the sunset on the river, the unrest, anger, and division within our country, topped off by the most divisive election in history, had finally stolen my hope and my health. I searched for joy in various recorded books and creative outlets.  One of the recorded books I listened to while I was sewing was You, Happier by Dr. Daniel Amen. As I listened, I began to realize how closely my health was tied to my happiness. Dr. Amen talks a lot about the importance of having a healthy brain, and offers tools to determine your “brain type”. (Discover your brain type at https://brainhealthassessment. com)

I discovered that my brain-type is 16, meaning I am very sensitive and empathic. I struggle with negative thoughts and pessimistic tendencies with heightened activity in the anxiety centers of my brain. People with my brain type are highly motivated by a goal, and while capable of great pleasure, often feel nervous or anxious, making them more cautious, but also more prepared.

The wonderful thing was, Dr. Amen offered not only a diagnosis, but also several remedies.  The first thing I realized was how much my poor eating was affecting my brain, not only emotionally, but physically. The doctor suggested various supplements to target my specific problem areas, but also emphasized the importance of exercise and clean eating to my overall brain health, and subsequently, my joy.  I had been wallowing in self-pity and letting myself grow old without hope of emotional and physical recovery and was literally waiting to die.

I began to take an inventory of all of the health issues impairing my enjoyment of life, including lower back and hip pain, neuropathy in my lower extremities, failing knees, acid reflux, and incontinence, and realized how many of them could be improved by a healthier diet and lifestyle. Like the brain description suggests, I am very goal-motivated, so I set my goal for 2023 to investigate all of my health issues, determine which ones I could do something about, and make adjustments in my lifestyle to accommodate those over which I have no control. I will talk about the routines I have established to carry me toward this goal in a later blog post, but for now I want to reiterate the things I have learned so far:

You can “change your brain and change your life”.

You must find your own personal “why” to establish a healthier lifestyle. Pleasing others won’t do it.  In my case, it is in order to have the energy and ability to improve my little piece of the world.

Physical Beauty is only skin deep, and fades with age, but your health is the key to a more fulfilling life. Don’t wait until your health is too far gone to appreciate and nurture it.